Day Twenty-Eight

The morning is going along. Had a good breakfast and dinner last night was fine as well. I stepped on the scale this morning and it fluttered between 260 and 261 so it's moving down again. I would like to see 259 on Monday morning.
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I loved my lunch today. Met Elaine at A.J.'s and Don was there, eating alone, as well, so we all joined up together. I had scrambled eggs with fresh spinach and onions. No meat and no cheese. Did not miss it at all. Delish.

I also had some fruit with it and whole wheat toast, dry. It was the first fruit I've had in couple of weeks. I didn't realize how much I missed it. I enjoyed it better than I enjoyed the ice cream I had last week.

I'm feeling virtuous that I had the toast dry but really, there IS a reason why one butters one's toast. Dry toast is so hard to swallow. Duhhhh.
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Deb just walked in with a Starbucks latte. I love them plain, no sugar, no nothing, just luscious steamed milk and foam and coffee. No way I can say "thanks but no thanks". Yummmm.

Day Twenty-Seven

I was a solid, no flickering on the scale, 261 this morning. That's 14 lbs since June. I had veggie sausage patties (2) this morning and a stick of non-fat mozzarella cheese. Drinking coffee. Feeling satisfied. However . . .

I'm feeling very edgy this morning. Doesn't have anything to do with food. Did not sleep well. Had nightmares. Hate it when sleep is disrupted and leaves me feeling hung over in the morning. And darn, I didn't even have any fun arriving at that hung over feeling.

More later.

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Not feeling so edgy now. I posted my mood on Facebook and the good words came tumbling in. Thank God for good friends.

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soy bacon and cheese sticks. Not much but amazingly filling. I really have to go shopping.

Day Twenty-Six

I am feeling the slide. I am stalled and fluctuating between 261 and 263. I'm not eating a lot and am not picking but my choices are not adding up.

Yesterday I had my cheesy egg I can get at House of Java. It's two eggs and melted cheddar. It's basically an egg and cheese sandwich less the bread.

For lunch I had chili at A.J.'s but then ordered a piece of pumpkin pie. OK. I can live with the pumpkin pie as long as I have no more bread carbs today. So . . .

It's a cold and blustery day. Chili would be perfect for dinner so I made chili and corn muffins. I had TWO corn muffins. So much for carb control yesterday.

Today I flew out the door and all I've had is coffee. I'm hungry. It's 10:45. I will be leaving at noon for lunch at home. I'll just gut it out (no pun intended).

Day Twenty-Four

Morning and afternoon have slipped by. The weekend had a couple of small bumps but all is well. I'm sipping on a diet coke, enjoying the cold and fakely sweet fizz as it tickles its way down my throat.

There was no weight loss this week. Like a week ago, I think my body is just holding on to it. Then is drops a big kerplunk. Stay tuned. I am.

Day Twenty-one

I'm on track. Had coffee and ran around doing errands with Krista this morning. Then had breakfast of sausage links cut up and left over veggies mixed together to make a filling for an omelet. Sprinkled a little cheddar on the top and I was good to go.


I found myself eating rather quickly this morning and by the time I started slowing down there was only about three bites left. Had some coffee on the fly a little later.

Funny how all the plans of a day wash out. I had planned to go to a restorative yoga class today with Biene but then Biene called and she wasn't coming into town. Then I started waiting for Elaine to call and HER plans changed too. So much for doing anything, but, no matter. I mended Krista's beading on a favorite t-shirt of hers and since I was on a mending roll, I also fixed the tear in a crocheted tablecloth. I used invisible thread to mend the hole and that, as they say, was that. They both took less than an hour tooay but I waited months to do them. I think my guardian angel's name is "When the Spirit Moves Me".

Dinner was turkey leftover from last night, yams, and salad with tomatoes, radishes, and cucumbers. Blue cheese dressing topped it. I think we are going out later to have a dish of ice cream.

End of day one of my three-day weekend. Feeling good.

Day Twenty - Morning

This morning I was reflecting on my weight loss efforts since June and it occurred to me that I've actually lost 11!!!! pounds since I first start this.  It was in June, when I weighted 273, that I decided to try lapband surgery.  One of the requirements (by my insurance) was to lose 10% of my weight before surgery.  This, supposedly, would show that I was serious.   Well, I WAS serious and lossing 27 lbs wasn't going to prove that.  The turn-off was all the other stuff I learned about the surgery. 

Knowing that I've actually lost 11 lbs overall makes me feel a whole lot better and inspired to push through the next three days. I'm coming up on the first of my goal breakers.  I tend to lose steam with weigh loss at three weeks.  Things start falling apart for me. I start making excuses to myself and say this or that won't hurt me.  Well, that is not going to happen this time.

Morning - I had breakfast.  Yay!!  Two eggs and soy sausage.  Morningside is much better than that other brand I had.  I'm working on a second cup of coffee with half & half.  Then that will be it for coffee until later this afternoon when Deb (my boss) tends to put on a pot of decaf.

Lunch is past and decaf is brewing.
I went to A.J.s for lunch again.  I had to revisit that salad from a couple of days ago.  Not so great the second time around.  Different hands, different days.  I also had the toasted garlic bread this time.  No carbs tonight.  That will be my only obvious carb for the day.

More to come but before you go, I hope you will take a moment to enjoy this very funny story that Jeanne sent to me.  Perhaps you've seen it elsewhere (I had) but it is well worth reading again.

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A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM


This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
_______ _________________________

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mil e. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying..

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it wouldhelp me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY:

Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
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FRIDAY:

I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of mybody I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, d on't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coachor the choir director?
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SATURDAY:

Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
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SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air
then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mil e. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on th counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying..

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolet by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________

THURSDAY:

Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_________________________________

FRIDAY:

I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, d on't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
_______________________________

SATURDAY:

Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
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SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Day Nineteen and I'm NOT hungry

    Photo from Doug McLellan. Breakfast on the Fly

So - I did my usual flying out the door again this morning.  No breakfast, not even on the fly.  It's now 1:40 p.m. and I have not left for lunch yet but not by chance.  I had to hang around to get hold of my student assistant.  But, now that I've connected with him and message is delivered, I find that I'm not one bit hungry.  Go figure.  I have a boatload of work to do.  I'm going to just keep on working.

Tammy S. - if you see this you can freely yell at me.  I know you are right but I'm just not hungry.

Day Eighteen

Morning - I am feeling so good today.  I am finding that I have more satisfaction with daytime foods without carbs than I felt a couple of weeks ago.  My body seems to be making the shift to not crave carbs so much and I seem to be more naturally tending to proteins and veggies.  I must admit, I miss having fruit in the morning but for now I will leave that for evenings only.  Sadly, I got up late this morning and washing my hair had highest priority so I blew out the door without breakfast.  Not good and a habit from the past that I need to work to not slide back into.

Afternoon - I LOVED my lunch today.  I didn't go home.  Was in the mood for a GOOD salad.  Went to A.J.'s and had something called Choppie's Salad.  It is a mixture of lettuce, cabbages, and carrots for color.  I told them to leave out the tomatoes.  It also had chicken chunks and shaved almonds.  Dressing was some Asian thing.

My big triumph today was sending the bread back.  You have to understand - A.J.'s toasted butter/garlic bread is sublime.  It sat there for a moment on the plate.  Then I moved it to a napkin on the other side of the table.  Then I started fantasizing about the darn thing and creating justification in my head.  Eventually I got the attention of the waitress and she removed it.  Yay!!!!

CINDA - I like the oatmeal with goodies and green tea suggestions.  I think I will have that for dinner one night.  I love chunky oatmeal.

Day Seventeen

I've lost five pounds!!

Later in the morning -

My next goal is to lose 3 lbs.  This will put me under 260.

Afternoon

Today's lunch was two hamburger patties wrapped in lettuce.  Mustard and catsup only.  Tasty.  Also has a handful of mixed nuts.

Day Fourteen

Morning - had two soy sausage patties and ran out the door. Grabbed coffee on the run. It's going to be a busy day.

More to come

Day Thirteen

Omigosh. Where did the day go? I never got in here. Well, this will be a shorty. Breakfast and lunch came and went. All is well. Did lots of shopping last night. Have everything I need to keep food together for a few days. Running (and I don't mean exercise). **sigh**

Day Twelve

Morning as broken and the rain has passed over us. The winds have died down as well. Yesterday was hellacious (well, by our standards anyway).

This morning I had a bowl of cereal. I'm stopping at Raley's after work tonight to stock up again. I have not been losing weight but I expect I'll see something just drop all at once. The big thing I've noticed is that my body hangs on to carbs like white clings to rice. Yesterday wasn't so much about too many carbs as it was about not enough veggies and greens which is why it is essential that I shop tonight.

More later.

Lunch . . .

. . . today was a Chipotle's again. Got their yummy salad with beef, bit of cheese and pico de gallo. Drizzled a bit of sour creme on the top and was set. Oh, and a diet coke. The most interesting part of lunch was when I spent ten minutes staring at this woman on and off who was yapping away on her cell like she was in her office. Hello, lady. You're at lunch and so are other people. Turn the damn phone off. I totally failed to get her attention. She was oblivious.

Anyway - she was also with someone and she did not speak to him at all. I had 15 minutes before I had to leave and I couldn't stand it. So - I packed up and as I left I walked up to their table, ignored her and told the man to please "tell the nice lady that this isn't her office and she is being very disruptive". Then I turned around and walked out. I felt very empowered. We don't have to put up with other people's thoughtless behavior.

Next stop - Raley's

Day Eleven

9:30 a.m.
The day started with bluster and rain and tree limbs flying. The energy level in my little corner of the planet is crazed. I'm loving it and I'm loving my day eleven. All is well. Had eggs and cheese this morning again. I think this is my new favorite breakfast.

More later.

Later and now evening

The whole day was a little off. I lunched at home and finished my last two soy sausage links. I cut them up and warmed them in a bowl of rice from last night. The evening was mixed up to. Left work early and was very hungry. Had a spoonful of peanut butter and then went to Borders at 5:30 to meet up with Elaine. I grabbed a biscuit as I ran out the door and had a coffee with h/h at Borders.

At 7:30 p.m.

I got home and knew I had to have something. I'm out of veggies and greens. Need to shop tomorrow. Finished the deli turkey and had some swiss cheese with the turkey slices.

I'll do better tomorrow.

Day Ten

Day Nine came and went.
Friday and Saturday I visited with Corey in Willows and Saturday was all about being careful with Barb's fabulous food and driving and walking all over Apple Hill.

Sunday in Diamond Springs was relaxing. Discovered a new yarn shop, visited over coffee with Barb away from the house, brunch was shrimp salad with toasted baguette and butter. Dinner at home was nothing much. Picked over this and that.

This morning I weighed in for the first time since Friday morning. First I was 265; then I was 266; and finally, as I totally weirded out over my scale, it read 267. Hmmmmm. Do I need a new scale? I've had this one for at least ten years.

Anyway - this morning - nothing but car problems but I managed to get to HOJ and had coffee. I had Tracy make up my special breakfast sandwich without the toast. It is just an egg with cheese melted on it. Heading to work, I was met with MORE car problems. Finally resolved all of that and got myself to the office.

I'm sitting at the desk with my fan blowing over me. I really need to cool off. Dealing with the car stuff was like have a hot flash. Talk about stressed. My second cup of coffee is getting cold. Into the microwave it goes and off to work I go - finally.

Afternoon
I went home for lunch and put together a mishmash of soy bacon and the remains of my Brie. Nuked it all in the microwave and then wrapped it in deli ham slices to make three small wraps. I'm surprised at how filling it was considering it did not appear to be a lot of food. It's pushing two and I'm doing well. I have lampchops out for dinner along with some fresh spinach. Add to that homemade applesauce and dinner will be very yummy.

Day Seven

It occurs to me that this is the last day of my first week. Tomorrow I would have weighed myself for my first week average of weight-loss but I'll be still in Diamond Springs so it will have to wait for Monday morning. No matter. I've been doing well so far.

Saturday Breakfast at Barb's
. . . had everything - of course. Barb, God love her, made me a delicious omelet filled with red bell peppers, white onions, bacon bits and mushrooms. Heaven. I had three slices of bacon as well. Just could not resist that third one.

Barb also made homemade raspberry syrup and aebelskebers. I don't think I spelled that right. Anyway, those round Swedish pancakes. I had ONE even though it was carbs. And I had none of the syrup. I ate the little delicacy in 4 or 5 bites, making a conscious effort to slow down. It took me about 15 - 20 minutes to eat the entire meal.

We will be bringing our lunch with us to apple hill and Barb has the fixings for a chicken Cesar salad, so the middle of the day is covered. This year I will NOT go into the fudge shop.

5:00 p.m. -
The day flew. Starbucks strength for Don and a push to apple hill had us going from point a to point b to point c and beyond. Walk, explore, leave, drive, park, walk, explore, over and over. We ended up at High Hill for our traditional picnic lunch and then more exploring. We were skipping the fudge factory and apple donuts this year so we left that half of High Hill for another year.

Lunch was so easy. Water and that delicious cesar salad had be satisfied for the rest of the afternoon. Tonight's dinner will be fun but like this morning and other meals, I'm guessing that by slowing down, I will be less and filling up faster. How can that be? Oh well, I'm not going to question the results. It has been a good food week and not too much yearning for breads, etc. Something is working.

Day Six

We are on the road. It's Furlough Friday and Don and I went to Willows where we met up with Corey, back in the country from her home in France. A long lunch at Subway after we connected at the local Starbucks, present me with my first food challenge of the weekend. Lunch at Subway. What is a carb addict to do?

Well, she builds her own salad of mix greens, spinach, cucumbers, onions, and bell peppers. Add to that a bit of grated cheddar and a couple ounces of deli meat and I was good to go. I had 2 oz. of ranch dressing and a diet coke. First challenge overcome.

Arriving later at Barb's in Diamond Springs, I considered the possibilities of dinner. Barb is a great cook and if there is a reason to cook for an army, she'll do it. It's all fresh made with no packaging. She had a pot of dinner soup on the stove made from yellow split peas, carrots and potatoes, and apple/chicken sausage. That, along with corn bread and oh was it a good dinner. There were snicker-doodles (homemade) for dessert and sprite with raspberry syrup to drink.

I have not picked a bit since dinner. This is practically a first at the House of Barbara. So - overall - an excellent day. It's 11 p.m. and I'm feeling a bit hungry. I'm going to go find some water.

Day Five

I weighed in at 263 this morning. Four pounds gone. Breakfast was the remainder of my egg substitute with two soy sausage links and a sprinkle of cheddar cheese. Tasty. Tonight I do my planning. Went brain numbed last night and didn't do any. That is one of the habits I'm trying to rectify - leaving things to the last minutes. In this case, the first small step is the awareness of last minute behavior. So - "Tonight, tonight", she said musically.

More to come later today.

2 p.m. at work
I did a lot of running around on my lunch hour. Totally missed sitting down and relaxing over lunch and had to solve the dilemma of eating out. Solution - I went to Chipotle's and got a salad.

Salad was lots of romaine lettuce, braised beef, grilled onions and peppers, just a little bit of pico de gallo (have to be careful of the carbs in tomatoes) and a bit of cheese. The server dribbled just a tiny bit of sour creme sauce and I had chipotle/honey vinaigrette. They serve it to you in a 2 oz container. I used half of it.

All together, it was just enough to make a moist and luscious and tasty salad. Had a diet coke with it and I'm good for the afternoon. I had to eat it at my desk which was a bit of an adventure but all in all a successful lunch.

Day Four

10:30 a.m. - at work
Last night I made Carb Addict's Cinnamon Coffeecake. It is light and airy and unexpectedly good. The solids separated from the egg whites and it puffed up a bit like a souffle. I had 1/4 of it this morning and I noticed that Kris headed out with some as well. I'll have to find out if she liked it. I have a feeling it isn't very substantial but so far it is getting me through the morning. I think I will finish it up at lunch in a salad along with my favorite, Brie cheese.


11:20 a.m. - at work
I Have Some Planning to Do - I got the follow tip from Tammy who lost over 100 lbs on WW and is now a marathon runner.

Planning is EVERYTHING. It's the foundation for all the rest. At the beginning of each week, I plan for which days I need to allot more points, and which days I will be more careful. I plan when to exercise. I plan my meals - all of them - and then I know how I will get through the week's challenges. I also think through situations like eating out: what I will eat at the restaurant, look on the website to see which entrees are more lifestyle-friendly (it is NOT NOT NOT a diet, ever, or it is OVER!), etc. If eating at a friend's house I ask what they are cooking, ask them to use less oil, offer to bring a big salad or a fruit salad for dessert w/Cool whip, or whatever. If you plan, you succeed. If you wing it, you fail. So good for you for planning!!!!

I'm travelling this weekend and this will be a big help. Also, I'll enlist help from our hostess. She's a great cook and she will a wonderful and supportive help.

1:40 p.m.
Lunch was a little strange today. I finished the "coffeecake" from this morning. It was more like a flattened cinnamon souffle but tasty nonetheless. I followed up with a couple deli slices each of ham and turkey. No veggies. No good. I forgot I had veggies from a couple of days ago waiting to be finished. I'll get those tonight. Felt tired and low when I came in for lunch. I was very restless last night and got little sleep. Still feeling out of sorts.

I stopped at Starbucks on the way back to work and got a tall, nonfat, plain iced latte. Here's what I found out later about the nutritional content:

Calories 100
Fat Calories 0
Total Fat (g) 0
Saturated Fat (g) 0
Trans Fat (g) 0
Cholesterol (mg) 5
Sodium (mg) 120
Total Carbohydrates (g) 15
Fiber (g) 0
Sugars (g) 14

I guess I better not do this again for a while.

Evening
I was so tired after work; there was no way I was cooking. I went to MacD's and got Don his usual and then to Starbucks for his preferred drink. I made his MacD's drink a diet coke and I was good to go with my own MacD's salad. Here's the breakdown:

Premium Bacon Ranch Salad with Grilled Chicken Cal. 260, Total Carbohydrates 12 g, Sugars 5 g, Newman's Ranch Dress Cal. 170, Total Carbs 9 g, Sugar 4g.
Total for Salad and dressing at dinner is 430 calories. And Brie for dessert. I love my Brie.

It's barely 7 p.m. and I'm hoping that this will be enough for me tonight. I need to look in the fridge and figure out tomorrow.

Day Three

10:15 a.m. - at work
I am in an excellent frame of mind this morning. Breakfast went well. Soy pork sausage and veggies broken up and mixed into two eggs. Sprinkled a bit of cheddar on the top. Good.

I've noticed that the soy products for this brand are somewhat bland. Next time around, I'll pick up Morningstar products. I've had these before and as I recall, they are much more flavorful.

I'm not feeling at all hungry this morning. My scale had good news as well. I've lost 2 lbs since Sunday's first weigh-in. That puts me at 265. I expect a big drop this week. First week big drops always happen but then it levels out to 1-2 lbs per week. I'll be very happy with that.

2 p.m. - at work
Went home for lunch. Had leftovers of the chicken paprika from last night. Didn't have any dressing for a salad (have to make it tonight). Had a wedge of Brie but no veggies. Not good and I have to avoid doing that too much. Stopped for gasoline on the way back to work and had an "aha" moment as I recalled that diet soda was allowable, so I got a 20 oz diet Pepsi. Refreshing. Just what I needed for an afternoon pick-me-up.

Evening
Tonight's meal was a big success. Chicken thighs (boneless, skinless) baked with a mixture of celery, onions, croutons, basil, parsley, and s/p. OMG, it tasted so good. But, wait, it gets better. Tonight I made up one of the salad dressings from the book - cottage cheese and IMO base blended with salt and garlic and blue cheese. It was creamy, flavorful, and tasted terrific. That plus Spanish rice and what a meal. No dessert. Haven't made any yet. May do so later to have on hand tomorrow. Dessert recipes from the book too.

All in all - another very good day.

Day Two

MORNING - 8:25 a.m. - at work
I am already struggling with the urge to have more. I awoke at 6 a.m. and felt totally unprepared for food prep today. I managed to make breakfast an easy task by scrambling two eggs and mixing soy pork sausage and diced yellow, red, and green bell peppers into the mix. It was tasty but oh, I am mentally screaming for something that is toast-like. Bread, bagel, muffin - damn it. And so early in the day.

Well, what was I really to expect? Reducing carbs is like any other withdrawal and this is my withdrawal period. These first few days will be tough. It will even out, I'm sure, but then I will be attacked by my craving's twin demon - Boredom.

I recommit right now - this is where I come to crow over my successes, scream over my craving's, and rail at the boredom that I know will hit me. The crazy thing is that yesterday I enjoyed the meals, enjoyed the careful preparation. I think I need to take a page or two from Julie Powell's attitude (Julie & Julia) and just throw myself into my crazed moments if that's what it takes to get me through to the other side and satisfaction.

MORNING - 10:45 a.m. - at work
I am feeling very jittery. Hungry. Drinking a lot of water. I'm out of here at noon to go home and make lunch.

1:20 p.m. - at work
Thank God the morning has been and gone. I went home for lunch and it took 40 minutes to prepare lunch. I had to thaw a chicken breast (10 minutes), grill same (20 minutes), sliced cucumbers, radishes, and celery. Dipped it all in 2T of ranch dressing (2 grams carbs). The best part was my much loved Brie cheese. I had a small wedge and that was that. Now it's water for the rest of the day.

I don't feel nearly as moody as I did this morning. I have a chicken in the crockpot at home and that will make a good main course for tonight.

4:10 p.m. - at work . . . The afternoon felt much better than the morning. I think I did not have enough to eat this morning and it really put me on edge.

Evening
Got home about 7 p.m. I was in meetings until 6 p.m. and then met up with Elaine at Sweet River. I had water. Over a period of about an hour and half, the chicken in the crockpot evolved into Paprika Chicken (out of the carb addict book) Tasty. I served it over biscuit and was satisfied after having a spoonful of peanut butter for dessert.

It looks like my day two has ended successfully.

The day started late for me . . .

. . . since I woke up at 9:11 a.m. What a surprise. Not at all usual for me.

By 11:30 I was eating my first carb addict program meal. Breakfast was an egg substitute onion/cheese omelet with veggie sausage links. Going veggie or using an egg substitute is an option only and since I like soy products, I went that route.

By 2:30 I knew that I would need to eat again by 3:30 or I would miss my second meal entirely and go directly to dinner sometime after 6:30 p.m. I put together a large green salad with a variety of veggies and a tuna salad mixture (recipe out of the program book). I discovered that cucumbers make me burp. I suppose they always have but I am really taking the time to notice how I react to food and, yup, there was a bit of quiet burping going on. Thank God it was quiet since I was at Mass during part of the cucumber siege on my digestion.

Evening is my reward meal time. The carb addict program has a few "must-do's" among which are

1.) eat your meal in a one hour period;
2.) no snacking; and
3.) your reward meal is anything you like but must be balanced.

The other thing about reward meals is that you can have seconds if you like but if you go for seconds, it must of everything you have already eaten. That keeps things in balance.

After tonight's reward meal, I had dessert too - orange/chocolate ice cream. This was my first and only carb of the day. I knew we had some ice cream left so I saved up my dinner carbs for dessert. Dinner was a grilled hamburger patty, salad greens, and steamed broccoli and cauliflower. I sprinkled a bit of grated lo-fat cheddar cheese over it all.

Meals were finished in the allotted period of time and now at 7:30 p.m. I'll just enjoy water if I feel the need for anything. I don't think finishing my meals in an hour will be difficult. I'm working at slowing down my eating but one hour is plenty of time.

I think the one hour restriction will have to be more carefully watched during special occasion dinners and holiday meals. I'll have a chance to test that fairly soon since it's October. Lots of holidays and special events around the corner.

Starting Over - No Lapband After All

Today I am starting over. Today, this blog is going public. Shame over the condition of my body has been one of my biggest enemies and I will not let guilt and shame control me anymore.After exploring lapband surgery, I came to realize that this was not the road for me to take. If I don't have control over what is happening with my body now, there is no reason to believe that that will change because of the added tool of having a lapband. So, without going into a lot of detail about what let me to this decision, suffice it to say that THAT is not where I'm going.

I have struggled with weight issues since high school and that was a long time ago. Sadly, there was nothing wrong with my weight in high school but I didn't recognize that and was influenced by others. It's been one difficulty and body issue confusion misdirect after another ever since.

But today -
I am saying -
GOOD-BYE
To Guilt and Shame

This morning is the first day of my work with the Dr. Heller's and their program they have devised for carbohydrate addicts. Yes, that me. No big secret. I love carbs in any way, shape, or form. Morning, noon, night - it's way too many carbs and not enough protein and veggies.

After a week of reading and studying their book, The Carbohydrate Addict's Diet, I'm ready to start. If you are interested in learning more about the program, click here for their website. Like Atkin's, they tackle the issue of carbs. UNLIKE Atkin's, they don't radically eliminate carbs. The Hellers focus on balance.

I shared a lot of this book with my friend, Elaine, who is very slim, and she has been an enormous resource of no bullshit feedback and support. And like many slim people, she has had to work hard at it, but she's been working at it for years and got the clues early for not getting out of control. I didn't - so here I am. Thank you, Elaine, for being my friend, and seeing past my exterior.

So - I share this journey with you. I commit to being excruciatingly honest. I suspect that sometimes it won't be pretty. And as the Heller's encourage daily weighing in to keep track of body fluctuations and discovering one's average weight loss for the week, I have done the first of my daily weight-ins. I will be posting everyday at least once a day, perhaps more. I'll be talking about food, menus, recipes, and what worked and what didn't.

This morning I weighed 267 lbs.