I used the treadmill for the first time last night. I walked for 20 minutes, burned 56 cals; had my heartrate up to 116. I wobbled as I walked away. Tonight more. Oh the joy of exercise.

I have an appointment

I made the call. I have an appointment. I'll see a nurse practitioner at the OB-GYN office on February 28th. I'm going to take care of the lady stuff. It's been way, WAY too long.

Patterns (Part II)

Weight has always been an issue for me. Big surprise since it IS for most women, to one degree or another. For some of us though, we have let our weight get way out of hand and the reasons are usually private and deeply buried. I know what my reasons are. Early loneliness and insecurity were the driving force. Long after I have reconciled myself to those companions and made peace with them, the pattern of eating for comfort has stayed with me.

Whatever our reason(s), we are left with a lifetime of pattern eating that effects us one way or the other - hyper overweight or terribly underweight. In either direction, we are under nourished and we are putting our health at extreme risk. I've spent decades going up and down and trying to break the cycle and find the balance with food, activity and gaining a healthy weight.

Healthy weight to me means getting to a weight I am comfortable at, a weight I can live with. It isn't a weight that is dictated by an ideal clothing size. Nor is it dictated by a chart in a medical office or on a gym wall.

So how do I get there? What are the patterns of eating that seriously sabotage me? No question about it - eating out is a big culprit. I CANNOT ever successfully lose weight and keep it off if I eat out on an almost daily basis. So what changes?

Lunch out. Simple. Economical. It goes on the chopping block. I have determined that 4 days out of 5, I will go home for lunch. Going out to lunch that one day will include companionship. Elaine and I get together over lunch. Perhaps Biene. Bev in Modesto. Whoever. If there is no company, I go home.

It's a baby step. It is a positive action I can take to start getting this problem in order. I can focus more on fruits and vegetables when I'm at home. I can balance between protein and veggies or carbs and veggies. I can make decisions to not have too much of one thing and not enough of another.

So, today is day one. I'm going home to lunch and while I'm there, I'm going to have Don instruct me on how to use the treadmill he purchased last week. No more excuses.

Update

I learned yesterday that I do NOT need a recommendation from my PCP to select my own OB-GYN. I'm making that phone call now.

Patterns

When I dropped from my regular blog, it was like saying an official hello to January and my season of reflection. Writing here at this private blog has made me look more closely at things. I've been blogging long enough now to have noted this pattern and there have been some interesting results from it.

• I became more comfortable with writing and sharing my creativity publicly;
• I discovered a world of friendship and redefined its value and came to appreciate its many manifestations;
• I found a way to follow my own rhythms and not pattern myself after anyone else;
• I discovered that there was a world of women out there who had found similar paths that have helped them over life's challenges.

Each discovery has always brought me back to a specific and enduring issue - my own attitude towards my health and self-care. I think Krista (I love you, you are my best girl) will like reading this. So will Don for that matter.

This is my year to start doing the right thing for myself health-wise. I don't remember the last time I had a breast or PAP exam. My on-going battle with weight is unresolved. I'm quite sure I understand the root causes of my weight problem and food issues but knowing does not change the fact that the body learns certains kinds of behavior and after a while the mental patterns that influence behavior take over in such a way that control is automatic and the effort to get back control almost impossible.

Elaine encouraged me to take just one step, do just one thing. Health exams seem like they would be the most immediate thing to resolve so one phone call today will help me determine if I can choose my own OB-GYN doctor. If that is so, if I do not have to call my PCP for a recommendation, then that will be the easiest step to take.

So, I'm off to make that phone call to the benefits officer on campus and take that first step. More to come.

Hamilton's Cafe

I went to Hamilton's Cafe today, with Krista's much better camera, and created a photo essay. My friend Toni loves Hamilton's so I have a little surprise in store for her. If you are reading this Toni, I can promise you there will be no spoilers here.

The thing I'm happiest about is that I had this objective to accomplish and I did it. I was concerned that people might not like being in the random pictures I took but after walking up to perfect strangers and explaining what I was up to, they were fine with it.

Rather than continue to be so mysterious about it though, I will post a couple of teaser pictures here and reveal that the new header is also from Hamilton's.

Saying good-bye to Ken

I've been thinking a lot about Ken this week. Ken is our technician, he who helped Don and I get our cabinet moved home from Goodwill.

I first met Ken when he started here as a student. He went on to become our department technician after Dale Monday retired. Dale came back half time as our piano technician and this left a half time tech position for Ken. It's been like that for almost four years. In that time Ken has married and he and his wife, Rachel, have a cute little boy now, Evan.

Even though Rachel is a teacher and Ken works half time here and pt with his dad and with the rural fire department, it just was not enough to give financial stability to his family, not to mention, time stability. Early in October Ken received a phone call from the instrument technician at CSU East Bay. He was retiring and he wanted to encourage Ken to apply for his full time job.

That offer opened the door to some hard negotiating on our end with the various money powers that be, to get Ken upgraded to full time. The best that we could get from the PTB's was a maybe in July when a new fiscal year starts. End result? Ken accepted the position and we lose Ken. His last day is tomorrow.

We have a very good alternative already lined up to replace him, one of our graduates and is hugely respected by the faculty. Phil Short is a good guy and I will like working with him, but . . . Ken, you did the right thing. You put your family first and I wish you all the best, but damn, I'm really going to miss you.

A Lesson in Patience

Man, am I getting a lesson in patience today. No sooner do I have not one but THREE 40% off coupons for Michael's then the items I want are not easily found. Well, ONE was. I've been wanting ZIG photo twin pens. These are pens used for tinting b/w or sepia tone photos. The photos, of course, are printed on non-glossy photo paper.

Yesterday I actually managed to get one set - set #2 in natural hues.

I also want set #1, the soft set of pastels, the so-called beginners set. They weren't kidding about beginner because I can't find #1 anywhere.

In addition, there are two more sets - #3 - a brighter set of colors and #4 called All Seasons.

So now I must be patient. I don't want to be patient. What an exasperating feeling. Discounts galore in my wallet and I've only been able to spend one so far. Grrrrr.

***********************

Yay!! I now have set #1 (1-15-09)

Project

I was so surprised to see that there are absolute NO pictures of Hamilton's Cafe online. If I really sat back and thought about it, I could come up with a lot to write about Hamilton's. This weekend I'm going to go to Hamilton's again and get some history on the place and do a photo essay. That will be a good project to work on.

What A Day. What a Weekend!!

Sometimes things just come together. Yesterday was a plain and all around good day. I made a killing at Goodwill and painted one of the frames and framed one of the Lynn Barron watercolors. Then I found a Michael's coupon so instead of waiting until Don's next payday to get the photo tinting pens, I can get them now and at 40% off. Then TODAY happened.

Don and I weren't sure when Kris woud arrive in Modesto from Tahoe so we went to morning Mass at St. Anthony's instead of evening Mass as we usually do. Later we went to Hamilton's Cafe in Hughson. I had not been there in a couple of years but mom used to like going there very much when she lived at Samaritan Village. Later, when she moved to St. Thomas Assisted Living Center, I took her there as well.

Hamilton's holds a lot of happy memories for me. Kris won a drawing for a giant 6 ft. tall Christmas stocking filled will all sorts of goodies. She was 18 years old. She kept some of the goodies but much of it was distributed to kids that we knew. And whenever Toni can manages a trip from Long Beach, this is a major destination place for food when she is here.

Hamilton's is a small, hole-in-the-wall place that serves up great food at good prices. They are never open for dinner but they ARE open everyday of the year because some of the locals would be lost with nowhere to go on Thanksgiving or Christmas morning. Staying open, in this case, is a good thing.

So, Don and I are having breakfast and I remember a piece of furniture I saw at Goodwill yesterday. It was a huge one piece buffet/hutch unit. For 30 years, I've wanted such a unit. As the years have gone by, it has become less and less likely that it would ever happen and consequently my mom's china, my Christmas china, Franciscanware, crystal and silver, and linens have all been stored in boxes to be taken out and used from time to time on special occasions only.

The unit is a simple colonial style and I thought it was a style that Don would like. I knew he would like the price - $199.95 and it looked entirely unused. I would love to know the story and I'm thinking I will go back and talk to the Goodwill manager tomorrow and find out where it came from (if she knows). Anyway, I mentioned it to Don over breakfast and he agreed to go see it. It sounded like a good possibility. So I kept my fingers crossed that it would still be there and it WAS. We found out from Sharon, the manager, that they had had it for 2 weeks listed at $350. They had just dropped the price. How lucky was that???

Once it was paid for, we had to figure out how to get it home. Enter Ken from work. He agreed to help and as it happened, his dad and mom were visiting from Lake Don Pedro and his dad's truck was loaded with stuff HE planned to drop off at Goodwill. So, Ken, his dad, and Don headed back to Goodwill with two trucks and I headed home to empty the small cabinet/hutch I had and cleaned it up to give to Ken and his wife, Rachel.

Talk about the end of an excellent weekend. I even collected two more Michael's coupons for a total of three. I have some serious looking around to do at the regularly priced items. I'm in such a good frame of mind from the total downer I was early last week, that I'm even looking forward to work tomorrow. Well, sort of anyway. LOL

Krista is home today

Kris is home today from Lake Tahoe. Can't wait for the late afternoon to arrive. In the meanwhile, I'm on the great cell phone hunt. Not only is it missing, it is OFF!! How aggravating. Pockets have been checked. Purse has been emptied. Surfaces in various rooms have been inspected. How aggravating. Oh, did I say that already? Well, I AM. Excuse me while I look for the phone again.

The Painted Frame - project one completed

This frame started out as a very unattractive dark teal blue. A couple coats of white, gray and red later and the gray/pink mix is the result.

The frame now is a fine compliment to the delicate pink and gray wash of Lynn Barron's painting.

Success and More

My trip to Goodwill for ONE thing turned into a treasure hunt with a big payoff. I left looking for 1-2 frames and returned with 1-2 frames AND two mirrors and seven books. My books included Bella Tuscany (the follow-up to Under the Tuscan Sun), Emily Dickinson poetry, and Christmas theme book of tea, and some paperbacks. Also found a book by Michael Savage that I figured Don would like to look through and at a dollar, impossible to pass up.

The larger frame will, I hope, house one of Lynn's paintings I received last month. And the mirrors? Well, I just had to have them. Don does not appreciate the need but I'm happy and he'll survive. As I say to my kids even now that they are adults - "Is there blood?" No blood? Good. Than it's not the end of the world.