The day started late for me . . .

. . . since I woke up at 9:11 a.m. What a surprise. Not at all usual for me.

By 11:30 I was eating my first carb addict program meal. Breakfast was an egg substitute onion/cheese omelet with veggie sausage links. Going veggie or using an egg substitute is an option only and since I like soy products, I went that route.

By 2:30 I knew that I would need to eat again by 3:30 or I would miss my second meal entirely and go directly to dinner sometime after 6:30 p.m. I put together a large green salad with a variety of veggies and a tuna salad mixture (recipe out of the program book). I discovered that cucumbers make me burp. I suppose they always have but I am really taking the time to notice how I react to food and, yup, there was a bit of quiet burping going on. Thank God it was quiet since I was at Mass during part of the cucumber siege on my digestion.

Evening is my reward meal time. The carb addict program has a few "must-do's" among which are

1.) eat your meal in a one hour period;
2.) no snacking; and
3.) your reward meal is anything you like but must be balanced.

The other thing about reward meals is that you can have seconds if you like but if you go for seconds, it must of everything you have already eaten. That keeps things in balance.

After tonight's reward meal, I had dessert too - orange/chocolate ice cream. This was my first and only carb of the day. I knew we had some ice cream left so I saved up my dinner carbs for dessert. Dinner was a grilled hamburger patty, salad greens, and steamed broccoli and cauliflower. I sprinkled a bit of grated lo-fat cheddar cheese over it all.

Meals were finished in the allotted period of time and now at 7:30 p.m. I'll just enjoy water if I feel the need for anything. I don't think finishing my meals in an hour will be difficult. I'm working at slowing down my eating but one hour is plenty of time.

I think the one hour restriction will have to be more carefully watched during special occasion dinners and holiday meals. I'll have a chance to test that fairly soon since it's October. Lots of holidays and special events around the corner.

Starting Over - No Lapband After All

Today I am starting over. Today, this blog is going public. Shame over the condition of my body has been one of my biggest enemies and I will not let guilt and shame control me anymore.After exploring lapband surgery, I came to realize that this was not the road for me to take. If I don't have control over what is happening with my body now, there is no reason to believe that that will change because of the added tool of having a lapband. So, without going into a lot of detail about what let me to this decision, suffice it to say that THAT is not where I'm going.

I have struggled with weight issues since high school and that was a long time ago. Sadly, there was nothing wrong with my weight in high school but I didn't recognize that and was influenced by others. It's been one difficulty and body issue confusion misdirect after another ever since.

But today -
I am saying -
GOOD-BYE
To Guilt and Shame

This morning is the first day of my work with the Dr. Heller's and their program they have devised for carbohydrate addicts. Yes, that me. No big secret. I love carbs in any way, shape, or form. Morning, noon, night - it's way too many carbs and not enough protein and veggies.

After a week of reading and studying their book, The Carbohydrate Addict's Diet, I'm ready to start. If you are interested in learning more about the program, click here for their website. Like Atkin's, they tackle the issue of carbs. UNLIKE Atkin's, they don't radically eliminate carbs. The Hellers focus on balance.

I shared a lot of this book with my friend, Elaine, who is very slim, and she has been an enormous resource of no bullshit feedback and support. And like many slim people, she has had to work hard at it, but she's been working at it for years and got the clues early for not getting out of control. I didn't - so here I am. Thank you, Elaine, for being my friend, and seeing past my exterior.

So - I share this journey with you. I commit to being excruciatingly honest. I suspect that sometimes it won't be pretty. And as the Heller's encourage daily weighing in to keep track of body fluctuations and discovering one's average weight loss for the week, I have done the first of my daily weight-ins. I will be posting everyday at least once a day, perhaps more. I'll be talking about food, menus, recipes, and what worked and what didn't.

This morning I weighed 267 lbs.

Rewiring

I've just been quietly going about my business this week. Rewiring my attitude towards food is complex and time consuming. Last night I made Sloppy Joe's for dinner. Kris and Don had buns. I had it on lettuce, LOTS of lettuce. Also had grated cheddar cheese on it. Probably had too much cheese on it. More rewiring. But, it was like a taco salad. I liked it better than with a bun. Waldorf salad accompanied.

Today

Well, this morning has come and gone. The colonoscopy was a cinch. I even recovered from the twilight sedation with no problems. I was alert within five minutes and the dizziness of the anesthesia was gone in an hour. I was able to eat a lunch of clam chowder within an hour after the procedure and really feel fine. I had been a bit anxious about this because Don's recovery three months ago too so much longer and seemed a lot more uncomfortable. In reality, the worst part of the entire procedure was drinking that too sweet, tartish, lemony flavored gunk.

I'm focused now on proper eating - eliminating fried foods, most anything that is white, and carbonated drinks and sadly, Mexican and Chinese for the time being. Also continuing to increase the fruits and vegetables. Have lots of tomatos from the garden so am enjoying those on everything.

Between now and August 25th, I'll be posting my weight each week. After my next DMC weightloss meeting, I'll post the weight that shows on their scale. This morning, at home, I was 265. Last Tuesday on the DMC scale, I was 270.8, down from 273.4. Since I started a month ago, I've lost 5-6 pounds overall. Slow is good. My goal is to get it off and then keep it off. In August 2010, I would like to weight 198. That was my weight when I started this job in Jan. 1989. In August 2010 I retire. My weightloss goal after that is whatever I end up at that feels comfortable - 150ish would be nice.

Too Sweet Lemons

Oh man, the stuff I have to drink for the colonoscopy is nasty. Anyway, it doesn't taste too badly starting out but after about a cup (and that's the first of 4) it gets a little tough to take. My second round starts at 3 a.m. Who's idea was THAT?

I had a bowl of cereal this morning and that's it but I'm not a bit hungry. In fact, this stuff makes me feel bloated. Yuck. I think the procedure itself will be a piece of cake since I'll sleep through it. I'm not enjoying the before and don't expect to enjoy the after either. Maybe I can sleep through the after too. Whoa, that would be nice.

Yesterday

Last night after work I was at the DMC weight loss meeting again, my first since the 14th. I've lost 3 lbs. Since All Care expects me to loss 27 lbs, I have quite a ways to go. The next meeting is Aug. 25th.

Tomorrow I start my 24 hours purge of my system before having a colonoscopy Friday morning. Things won't be pretty for a while.

More about that afterwards.

This morning . . .

. . . I had quiche and fruit at HOJ. I'm always surprised at how filling and satisfying it is. I may be skipping lunch today. Feeling very full even as I approach 11 a.m.

I'm still re-thinking this entire lap band idea. I know that Toni will be very happy to hear this.

More later
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